Peace only He can give

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.
~John 14:27

Being hurt by and losing the person you love most in the world is a feeling that is indescribable in words. It consists of losing your appetite, becoming sleep deprived, and also learning how much God loves you. Yes, human nature pushes me to hate myself for the mistakes I made, wants me to rack my brain on how I could have done things differently (would it really have changed things?), but most importantly makes me want to go back to my old self-sufficient/independent self where I keep my heart hardened. However, known of those get me any closer to becoming the person God has planned me to be, and definitely does not give me the love of my life back. The hardest part of the situation is having no clarity. But, clarity would also not increase my faith and trust in God. I truly believed my heart could not take this, but although it feels like daggers piercing my soul I know I will become stronger and one day will understand everything I do not understand now (which is a whole lot).

One of the main things I do not understand is why God would bring people together multiple times and then once again take them apart. Yes, you can work on yourself and growing in Christ as an individual anytime, but when does the growth as a couple and with the mate God has ordained for you come into play?

Also, when someone promises you all these things, and you trust that, and then plan the next year of your life in accordance, how do you do all the same things without them beside you when you had planned them together?? Huff--had to vent Lord.

Timing really is everything. But, how can you trust the Lord when that time really aligns? Furthermore, praying for patience is one of the hardest things I have ever done. (I guess God decided to wreck my life in order for me to see Him in all His glory and follow Him with all my heart--at least that is what Pastor Joe always says)

All I know is that the ONLY thing you can trust and count on in life is the love of Jesus Christ. No, I will never forget the person who I prayed for everyday and saw things in them that they did not see in themself. I will pray they find themself in Christ and in his grace and mercy, but most importantly I will pray that at the end of their journey they find their way back to me ( a new, refined, sanctified me). And if this is not the Lord's plan for my life I will pray that my heart is pieced back together along the way and that I am not damaged and hard-hearted if God brings someone else He has planned for me along.

I cannot write anymore because my tears are not allowing, but I pray and hope someone is touched because of my human struggles and confusion, but mostly because of my love for the Lord.

Blessed

II Timothy 3 reminds us that the Lord equips us with all we need and will anoint us if we seek Him and are fully engaged with what He wants to do with our lives. I feel so blessed to be called a child of God and through that share with others the joy that I have in my heart. I am also blessed with some of the most wonderful friends and an amazing boyfriend. Through them I am inspired, encouraged, and motivated daily! It is an indescribable feeling to know that my future belongs to someone who will never leave me or forsake me, and to see my boyfriend live this way too and bestow grace to others is wonderful. Thank you Lord for placing these people in my life to show these things to me, while at the same time bringing so much joy to our relationships!

He is jealous for me!

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane,
I am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

I just deactivated my FB account, so instead of letting that distract me I have chosen to let my blog have the honors. Anyway, I just want to say that the Lord's grace and mercy is so wonderful and the feeling of his presence and love in my life everyday is is even more exhilarating. I am so blessed and cannot wait to spend the rest of my life experiencing more of the Lord's continuous grace, love, and mercy and sharing it with others.

You are more than enough

"I leave it all behind. You are all that satisfies. To know You is want to know you more. To know You is to look beyond the temporary. To know You is to know you will be enough."

These verses are something I am continually striving for in my walk with the Lord. Sometimes it is so refreshing to just rest in his peace and sometimes it is really difficult when the world is influencing you instead of you influencing the world. I pray everyday for strength to rise above the chaos and negativity the world has to offer and remember that eternity and the Lord's arms are worth everything we face.

Just felt like writing... random... I know ;)

More than my next breath
More than life or death
All reaching for, I live my life to know you more
I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies
To know you is to want to know you more
To know you is to want to know you more....

Currently my favorite song! It more than speaks my heart, and puts into words, feelings that I cannot convey in my own words. Every day the Lord reveals to me just how more awesome He is. My best friend gets married in almost two months and I am going to miss her presence in my house excruciatingly. However, I know, somehow, the Lord will give me peace through it all.

I worked at an Easter Seals camp in CO this summer and am beginning to miss the counselors and campers there more than ever. I think it is difficult because I know I will probably never go back due to life and growing up... sad...

I began horseback riding lessons today and it was so fun--definitely an occupation I need to maintain engagement in!

Well, Jesus loves you more than you could know and I hope if you have not already felt his love at some capacity you are one day able to experience it. :)

Psalm 46:1 ~ God is our refuge and our strength, a very present help in times of trouble.

The Lord has really, really been good to me lately. I am so blessed with the most wonderful roommates, family, and friends! I have recently been hit with the realization that I (we) need to serve a higher purpose in life. School is such a drag when you think of what an impact you could make in another capacity or on another continent. However, my call is to be an example on campus--that is my mission field. This means that I must step up my ministry. I go days sometimes without talking about my love affair with Jesus... I feel guilty... that should be my motivation. Day in and day out I need to sing praises of the Lord-- in my room and in public. I forget that. Thank you Jesus for putting people in my path to encourage me. Thank you for hearing my prayers, and thank you for answering those prayers in whichever capacity you choose. I love you.

The truth is, I have been slacking. I went home at the beginning of this summer on fire for God and came back with that passion lost. I just moved into my house in Richmond with my three lovely roommates and am waiting for my best friend to get here! Oh how I have missed her... I am ready for her encouragement that I have missed and her zeal for life and Christ. I know it is not an excuse, but when I am at home I have no motivation to do devotions and although I still love Jesus the same I do not act like it and I am ashamed because of that. He deserves better and I do not know why I didn't spend the time I should have with him this summer. It was the perfect opportunity to grow much closer in my relationship with him, yet I pushed him aside all summer. I worried about boys and trivial things. Things that He could have helped me with if I would have let him. Instead, I went to my mom and sister everytime I needed advice or something. Well, I am ready to get back to His word and prayer, because Lord knows I need it!

So, my reminder to myself is to stay positive and remember Jesus is always waiting with open arms and He forgives us even before we forgive ourselves. Yay, I love Him and I love the life He has allowed me!