Children's Beauty

Camp Cardinal Hill was so fun today and reminded me of how much I love children and why I am going to be an OT. Also, I am excited about having my own kids one day to invest in and be an example to (crazy how many areas of my life I have really witnessed God's tranformation in)! Children are really the essence of naivity and innocence, but even still, their sin nature comes creeping in at times, and I am reminded of why, even they, need Jesus in their life. Cannot wait for another day tomorrow with these beautiful children who lift my spirits so much!

Contentment

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13

My best friend, Jordan Delaney, reminded me of this beautiful and heart-lifting verse today. God is so so sooooooooo faithful!! Today I desired to get back into yoga and prayed that God would encourage me to do so. Just hours later, Mary Alice tected me suggesting we should go to Hot Yoga after Jazzercise--what an answer to prayer and what amzing friends God has placed in my life! I think I burned around 1500 calories, and sweated everything out of my body in 2 1/2 hours of pure conditioning. It felt good! It felt good to feel again, and witness such a quick answer to prayer. The endorphins probably helped a little as well. :)

Keep pressing onward! Don't lose sight of why were are here on earth and do not forget to focus on others and love them in the process! The more you focus on other people, the less you are able to pout about your own life and dwell on your hurt, which will only cater to the enemy's schemes.

Love, love, love! :) And HOPE!

Friends & Family

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion FOREVER!" ~Psalm 73:26

Friends and family are just a few of the many blessings the Lord has placed for us here on earth. Ladies, boyfriends are incredible, but you must be careful to not let yourself be vulnerable, because then the hurt that comes with losing that guy who was your best friend is something you will never forget. Yes, you can be healed, but the memories take a LONG LONG time to ever forget. Guard your heart ladies, and save it for the Lord, and that incredible, and I mean INCREDIBLE, man of God has planned for you in HIS TIME. It is hard to believe it at this moment in time, but we must begin by professing positivity and the Lord's blessings upon our lives, because only then will we begin to believe them.

Now, back to friends and family. It is incredible how the Lord places people strategically in your lives at the right moment. When you begin to feel lonely friends come along who you did not even realize you had missed so much--what a blessing! :) Family....Family is the encouragement God wanted to give us here on earth. Now are families dysfunctional? Of course. Are some families broken and in desperate need of the grace and love of Jesus? Most definitely. I know mine is. However, the beauty that comes with hurt and despair in one family member's life becomes felt by the whole family. And guess what? This moment and pain in one family member's life can bring the whole family together and show them things about themselves that they were not ready to changes before.

I was always praying for my family. Praying direction and faith in their lives, and guess what? Through my pain they are beginning to find this. They have hope, we have been praying for guidance and direction as a family, and my wonderful Dad is finally beginning to see the amazing things God has ordained him to do. Wow, so exciting! Also, through this pain, I am beginning to shed light on my giftings and have begun to use those giftings to bless other people around me. Yes, I still have plenty of moments of weaknesses where I just want to give up, but with the love and strength God has given me and the people He is strategically placing in my life I am pulled through the mire and stand firm on their hope and faith as well as my own (Rom. 1:12).

Thank you my wonderful Father!

Strength

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." ~ 2 Cor. 12:9

I am so weak. My mind is weak, my spirit is weak, and I am tired. I am tired of crying, tired of praying, and tired of attempting to practice self-control. The sad thing is that I am drained and it has only been one day. The Lord has done so much in the past few days to evidence His hand in my life. However, I am still continually having to fight the enemies thoughts and my owns thoughts and actions. When will I relinquish everything to Him? At the end of the day, yesterday, I thought I had submitted everything to the Lord, but when I woke up this morning I realized that is not the case. I am hurting deeply, but at the same time reflecting on all the Lord spoke to me yesterday. It is incredible how part of the reason I am hurting is because I lost the vision and purpose for my life. Deep down I know I am very responsible for the hurt I am feeling and it is a guilt-ridden feeling, knowing that I pulled someone along with me. I took someone else's vision and made it my own.

However, God's timing is always perfect and last night He opened up an opportunity for me to attend a church service about personalities and giftings. I learned my giftings (which wasn't a complete surprise). I realized I knew myself a lot better than I thought I did. I am gifted in Mercy, Exhortation, Faith (this one was actually shocking considering the circumstances), Service/Help, and Hospitality. This is a step towards discovering and developing my purposed-driven life and is very encouraging.

The hurt is more difficult in the mornings, with the LONG day looming in front of me. It felt like yesterday would never did, but IT DID! And I slept--Praise the Lord!

Wow do I feel better after I write down all that my soul is oppressed with. Thank you my beautiful Jesus for coming to my rescue and giving me outlets and resources in my time of need.

Love your daughter.

JOY=Vision

I have been angry, at myself and God, but at the end of it all I realize I have free will and the choice to control the attitude I decide to encompass. I can choose to follow the amazing path God has for my life and choose JOY, or I can make the choice to cater to the enemy that is lurking behind every bend in the road and makes other choices, that are not of the Lord, look enticing. So, guess what?...I choose JOY. Yes, the hurt is still there and sleep is still difficult, but we have the promise that the Lord will never leave or forsake us and will never give us more than we can handle (Habrews 13:5).

Vision. Vision is what we must strive for and seek with all our hearts. We must not let our focus stray beyond that of what God has planned for our lives;Because when our vision strays from the Lord's will and starts to take the shape of our vision or the world's around us we become disenfranchised with the beauty and the plan the Lord has for our lives. With this disenfranchisment comes discontentment and hurt. The hurt not only hurts yourself, but so many others around you,which is the biggest struggle many of us have to find forgiveness and grace in. Without vision there are not constraints and boundaries, which also bring hurt and discomfort--none of which God has planned for our lives. Darkness and light cannot inhabit the same place, and that is why we must choose vision. Furthermore, worship is so crucial in finding your vision and destiny, thus we cannot lose focus and CANNOT ever, ever stop worshipping our wonderful Lord and Savior. We must take every thought into captivity (2 Cor. 10:5), so we can carry out obedience for the Lord. Only then can we begin experiencing OUR VISION and DESTINY. If you choose to worship and continually engage in the Word the Lord, your thought mode will lead to your destiny. Just as King David had everything, but was not content with his many wives and so chose the one woman who he could not have, he lost his integrity, but still the Lord never was too far away for him to be forgiven and still be blessed (2 Samuel). Yes, he faced hurt and punishment because of his poor choices and lost his firstborn son, but the Lord still blessed him abundantly by given him Solomon, the wisest man in all of history. If God can blessed David after all his integrity was demolished,due to his sin and poor choices,think how much more the Lord can deliver us and bless us abundantly if we seek Him with all our hearts and follow our vision He will show us (Jer. :13; Deut. 4:29).

So, have you been hurt and thought you would never recover? I have all. Most people have. And if you have not already, you probably will because it is our human nature. We are sinners and with sin comes despair and hurt. However, it does not have to be that way. You can believe God has the plans for your life (Jer. 29:11), seek him wholeheartedly through loving others daily, and go after your gifts that the Lord has possessed you with. Yes, we may falter along the way and with that unsteadiness may come some heartache. However, by placing God at the forefront of your journey and valuable spirit-filled people in your life the journey will become much more bearable and you will reach a place where you have total faith and trust in our amazing God and begin to embrace all He has in store for you.

Please, before you reach the hurt and despair that the enemy is so desperately trying to push upon your ordained life, remember that we can admit our sins and problems (before they become known to the world and lead to worse despair), we can renew and transform our mind and body (Romans 12:2), and lastly we can forget and forgive (allowing ourselves to move on and push towards our vision and destiny).

Learn to love yourself as Christ loves you, embrace your God-given gifts, and share that love and gift with those around you and will begin to find healing and contentment in your daily life. Does this mean it will always be an easy trek? Of course not. Every day the enemy will try to creep into our thoughts and mind and try to engulf our presence, but remember you have been given the strength to overcome every obstacle and everything that will continue to be thrown your way. Don't lose heart by what our culture tells you and continue to run your race for the Lord and seek that which is unseen, because what is unseen is eternal (2 Cor. 4:18).

I love you and I love Jesus Christ!!!!!

Peace only He can give

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.
~John 14:27

Being hurt by and losing the person you love most in the world is a feeling that is indescribable in words. It consists of losing your appetite, becoming sleep deprived, and also learning how much God loves you. Yes, human nature pushes me to hate myself for the mistakes I made, wants me to rack my brain on how I could have done things differently (would it really have changed things?), but most importantly makes me want to go back to my old self-sufficient/independent self where I keep my heart hardened. However, known of those get me any closer to becoming the person God has planned me to be, and definitely does not give me the love of my life back. The hardest part of the situation is having no clarity. But, clarity would also not increase my faith and trust in God. I truly believed my heart could not take this, but although it feels like daggers piercing my soul I know I will become stronger and one day will understand everything I do not understand now (which is a whole lot).

One of the main things I do not understand is why God would bring people together multiple times and then once again take them apart. Yes, you can work on yourself and growing in Christ as an individual anytime, but when does the growth as a couple and with the mate God has ordained for you come into play?

Also, when someone promises you all these things, and you trust that, and then plan the next year of your life in accordance, how do you do all the same things without them beside you when you had planned them together?? Huff--had to vent Lord.

Timing really is everything. But, how can you trust the Lord when that time really aligns? Furthermore, praying for patience is one of the hardest things I have ever done. (I guess God decided to wreck my life in order for me to see Him in all His glory and follow Him with all my heart--at least that is what Pastor Joe always says)

All I know is that the ONLY thing you can trust and count on in life is the love of Jesus Christ. No, I will never forget the person who I prayed for everyday and saw things in them that they did not see in themself. I will pray they find themself in Christ and in his grace and mercy, but most importantly I will pray that at the end of their journey they find their way back to me ( a new, refined, sanctified me). And if this is not the Lord's plan for my life I will pray that my heart is pieced back together along the way and that I am not damaged and hard-hearted if God brings someone else He has planned for me along.

I cannot write anymore because my tears are not allowing, but I pray and hope someone is touched because of my human struggles and confusion, but mostly because of my love for the Lord.

Blessed

II Timothy 3 reminds us that the Lord equips us with all we need and will anoint us if we seek Him and are fully engaged with what He wants to do with our lives. I feel so blessed to be called a child of God and through that share with others the joy that I have in my heart. I am also blessed with some of the most wonderful friends and an amazing boyfriend. Through them I am inspired, encouraged, and motivated daily! It is an indescribable feeling to know that my future belongs to someone who will never leave me or forsake me, and to see my boyfriend live this way too and bestow grace to others is wonderful. Thank you Lord for placing these people in my life to show these things to me, while at the same time bringing so much joy to our relationships!