HE came to see ME!

The wonderful and beautiful woman I meet with for discipleship encouraged me to write or journal significant stories in my life so that when I need to recount them for encouragement I can go back to them.

So....here is, by far, my favorite life encounter. I don't know why I don't share it more, but it has significantly and positively altered my outlook on life ever since.

I was around six when this event happened. Up until this point I was very fearful of the dark, and would worry if my sister wasn't sleeping with me at night (we shared a room).

One night I remember being woke up by the brightness in the room. It had a glorious brillance that filled even the tiniest crevices of the room. I slowly peered over the edge of the top of my bunk bed. Standing there was none other than Jesus! Stay with me here....I was VERY startled to see Jesus standing there, in my room! Startled does not actually even begin to describe how I felt. However, I wasn't scared. I felt this wave of love and peace wash over me. It was an indescribable feeling that comes back to me now as I am recounting this event. It is calming. It wipes any fears I ever had.

Yes, Jesus was in my room! It seems unbelievable, even to me, that I saw Jesus that night. I don't know if I physically saw Him or He came to me in a dream. But, to me that doesn't matter. He was there.

He came over to me picked me up and set me in His lap. I clung to Him, crying...no sobbbing. Sobbing with joy and overflowing with love for God's son that died for me and you. This man, that up until this point in my life, I had heard and read stories about. I had learned to believe from church and what my parents said about Him. I finally looked up at Him, but could not see His face--it was too brilliant. I begged Him to wake my sister up. I begged Him to let my parents see Him. I didn't understand why He would come to see me and not let the rest of my family experience Him and all His glory--experience this person that we put our complete faith and life in His hands on a daily basis. I begged him saying, "Please, I just want my parents to believe and see you! I know they do, but it's not fair they don't get to see you." He then said to me, "Bethany, my beautiful daughter and child, I came to see you. I know it doesn't seem fair that your parents and sister can't see you, but their faith will be tested in other ways." HE came to see ME.

I get the chills just recounting this story through type. He then said to me, "Bethany, I know you have been afraid of the dark. I came to tell you that there is nothing to fear. I am always here. I am just as present here in this room as I am now, even when you cannot see me. You never have to be afraid of anything again. I made you strong. I made you this way for a reason. You are my child and never doubt my love for you."

I was mesmerized to say the least. He said He had to leave, and again I tried to persuade Him to stay. He reminded me that He would still be here and I could talk to Him anytime I wanted. I walked him to the living room and watched Him vanish out the front door. I ran to the door, attempting to catch one last glimpse of His brilliance, but He was gone. However, I knew that He wasn't really gone and what I had encountered was rare and extraordinary. His light wasn't gone either. It was in me. I felt it. It coursed through me and I slept peacefully that night.

Over the years, as life has happened, I have experienced ups and downs like everyone else. However, I feel as though I do not let life defeat me because I have always known my life was in the palm of His hands. When my friends have been fearful of things and circumstances, I was never fearful. I did not realize until quite recently, when I was reminded of this encounter, how significantly that had impacted my life. Looking back, I realized I was never fearful of the dark again. I am also not fearful of anything except a snake catching me off guard :/. I have no doubt that I got see Him face to face for a reason--He is preparing me for big things. He has been preparing me for big things my whole life. I am not fearful of what's to come, I am excited to meet these challenged and triumphs head-on. This reminds me of a verse in Psalms 56:3-4:

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?"

We all are made for big things. Our experiences and encounters in life prepare us for what's to come. Do not fear. Prepare. Get ready to go to battle. Look at each day as a victory to be had. I have learned to do this and it has changed my perspective on life in magnificent ways.

<3 <3 <3

Each new day is a gift.

The Lord blesses us all with different giftings and anointings. I have recently discovered that I have this ability to see others the way Jesus sees them. It's incredible. It helps me understand how others have a difficult time befriending and loving people that I am drawn to. I understand that it is not easy. I understand that sometimes I will befriend people that I have a difficult time being around. Nonetheless, in the back of my mind I see them how Christ sees them.

It is very enlightening to recently discover that over the years certain people I have come in contact with I have tried to "fix." I felt responsible for the state they were in, and instead of trusting God enough to take care of it, I thought I could. Haha, yes, you know how this story ends... I cannot fix anything. I cannot even fix myself. I don't know why I thought I could, but for some reason I saw these people in a different light. I saw them and created them (in my mind) into the person that I thought Jesus saw them as. I placed unrealistic expectations on them. I placed unrealistic expectations on myself at times, instead of just handing the reigns over to God to take care of me or my situation.

What a freeing realization. I am not in control of my life. My life and future are in the hands of someone that died for me. I am in the hands of someone who is the epitomy of love and grace. How captivating. How life-altering. How incredible.

Today I spoke with two of my professors about the equine minor they are trying to start at EKU. I am really excited about them getting this off the ground. They even suggested that I should get my OTD and come back and run the program--whoa. I have so many future visions and goals swirling in my head right now I can barely wrap my mind around them. However, it is exciting to see where this opportunity is headed and interestingly exciting to perhaps come back to EKU, a place I never envisioned returning...who knows. I have a feeling the next few years of my life aren't going to be at all what I expect.

I also talked with my professors about translating my credentials as an OT to international work, where I could possibly start a therapeutic riding program with women/children that have come from slavery/abuse. They said there is great potential and gave me several leads--I am just gushing with emotions right now about all that happened today.

Another wonderfully eventful day comes to a close...yoga and bed. :)

A Good Day.

Starless. Inky-blackness. Stormy sky. The perfect run. Yes, I just went on the most exhilarating run. It was peaceful, yet rejuvenating. The starless night sky hovered above with occasional storm clouds that would pass over, bringing a gentle cool breeze across my path. The air smelled fresh. It felt good to suck it into my lungs and then let it course through my muscles as I extended my stride and ran. I think this is what people who experience "runner's high" experience on a daily basis--I just experienced it. What a perfect end to a wonderful day.

Earlier this afternoon I met with a lady in my church, Denise, who has been discipling/mentoring me. We had a wonderful time of fellowship and I am looking forward to a few more of these before I pick up and leave 'good ole richmond.'

Spent some time at the coffee shop, reading Pride and Prejudice and crocheting, while Jordan did some homework. What a fab afternoon. I am glad I was able to spend some time with her. I sure have missed seeing her as frequently as I use to.

Yesterday, I had lunch with a couple from a church, of which I have attended off and on. It was neat to receive words of encouragement from them as I head off for six months to complete my level II fieldwork in Georgia and Florida--woo hoo! They also hooked me up with a church that I plan on checking out in Florida. It's amazing how this concern had been weighing heavily on my heart the past few weeks, but all doubts dissipated after chatting with them. What an answer to prayer. What is even more encouraging is that after talking to Denise today she suggested a few churches in Georgia, close to where I will be staying. Shoo wee God is good.

Tomorrow is my last day working with Alistair, and then he and his family leave for Taiwpa for two months. I have thoroughly enjoyed the time I have spent with him this semester, and am so thankful for the challenges and rewards that have come from this divine job opportunity! Regardless, I will miss my wittle man.

Off to bed for some much needed and desired shut-eye. <3

Changing tide

Lately, I have been pondering the idea of personalities and living with a joyful and peaceful spirit and heart. The Lord gave me this image of the sea. I saw the waves washing up on the shore throughout the day. I saw the way the water carried shells and other sea creatures onto the dry, sandy beach. I saw beauty, but I also saw power and rage. Other people viewing this scene may describe it in other ways, like viewing it through an alternate lense. I came to the realization that our lives can be lived through various lenses. We can choose to live like Christ, as outlined in scripture, or we can choose to let the world and circumstances around us cloud that lense. When thinking of how scripture outlines it I came upon these verses:

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word. Isaiah 66:2

My mom and I were discussing this, and the idea of how we often use our "personalities and labels" as a crutch. We make excuses to justify the way we act. For example, in my life I make the excuse that I have the tendency to have a fast tongue and be competitive. I can also be very prideful. Does this make those tendencies right in any situation?--definitely not. In no way does the Lord wish me to be this way with my friends and in my future family or in my personal time. What will dwelling on these thoughts or acting in these ways do for the Kingdom? Absolutely nothing. So often, I have seen those around me say, "Well that's just how I am. I like to complain. I have no reign on my tongue."

I want so much more than that. I want to chip away at those negative tendencies about myself, and glorify the Lord through the testimony of how He has changed me. I want to be continuously moldable and I want that molding to be evident. I want to "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:2

I want to strive towards becoming a Proverbs 31 woman everyday. I want challenges. I want to defeat the enemy's ploys. I want to love those around me more than myself on a continuous basis. I do not want to see the world and myself through a clouded lense, but I want to see beauty, color, and good deeds pouring forth through my faith.

Yay, for changing tides and for encounters with the Lord! Yay, for open eyes and am open heart!

Enthralled

I am just increasingly enthralled by the Lord's magnificence and beauty everyday. My heart is literally swelling right now as I think of the power and anointing He has placed on my life. He has ordered every one of my steps up until this point, and I just never want to stop soaking in His glory.

Every week I add several things to my bucket list. Every week I develop a new idea or set a new goal/vision for myself, which usually entails saving some part of the world. This week that vision was inspired through watching a video on sex trafficking and the impact it has on these women's lives. It is truly heart-breaking to me to imagine myself in their shoes. After watching this video, I desired to go work at this sex trafficking hub that this organization has setup in Greece to rescue women from this "nightmare". I envision myself using my skills and abilities as an OT and as a women who seeks to follow Christ daily to help break the chains of bondage and despair this sick business has left these women feeling utterly worthless and hopeless in. Feeling hopeless is the worst feeling, and something our wonderful heavenly Father never wants us to feel. This vision is just oozing out of my heart and soul and so I am going to pray really hard that God either directs me there in the future or sends someone else to fulfill this vision. Right now I seek His face, finish my last five week of school, six months of fieldwork, and let God lead me where he sees fit.

I love witnessing the life He has planned for me unfold each day. Yippy!

Oh LoVe...

This topic of "falling in love" and "love" that continuously circulates conversations and is at the center of people's minds (even this blog right now)has been a pressing issue on my heart. I don't understand why so many people and especially our culture are always vying to gain someone's approval, attention, and ultimately their love. Don't get me wrong--I have fallen into this same trap, but am so thankful the Lord was watching out for me. We have become a society obsessed with trying to "fall in love" and get married, or just date someone. For Christians, why is our energy being wasted on these extravagant thoughts and endeavors when the Lord has our lives and everything in them under control (yes, even our love lives). Can we not be content to just pursue the Lord with that passion until He decides to drop that person into our lives at exactly the right moment, when we are exactly the person we have allowed God to cultivate us into in the meantime?

I owe everything to the Lord and my Mom--my faith and belief that the Lord's great providence is upon my life and He knows that man that He has designed for me--or maybe I am called to serve the Lord on my own for the rest of my life. Yes, constantly when I was growing up my mom encouraged me, uplifted me, instilled in me a heart to serve others and love the Lord. She prayed for me--yes, I know she spent many countless nights bathing me in prayer, and for that I am forever grateful. She led by example and showed me how to be strong and love everyone around me--yes, she demonstrated how to love those that others did not love. She instilled in me a healthy strength, and that was to know the Lord had my life in the palm of His hands and that no earthly man could ever fulfill me. She taught me that one day a man of God will enhance me and not hinder or convolute my walk with my Saviour. I was blessed to have a mother such as mine. She taught me that prayer is the best gift you can give your children. She has instilled in me a confidence that the world tries to tear down, but cannot break because the Lord is the center and fortress of my life. For this confidence I am forever grateful.

Thank you Lord for my family and friends and this God-given confidence to know that you have each of us in the palm of your hands! Let us not be swayed by worldy-temptations and vain imaginations of what love is. God is Love. <3

Balance

“The LORD preserves the simple; when I was brought low, he saved me.” Psalm 116:6

The following is a blog a read by Gwen Smith that really spoke to my soul this morning. She said,"I wish it weren’t the case, but it is. I get easily distracted and frazzled. I never seem to satisfy my to-do list and I struggle with time management. It surprises me continually that God would choose to use a cluttered woman such as me. But His grace abounds. It reaches my most unfocused, unproductive heart places. Grace covers my mess and uncovers His faithfulness.

God’s loving goodness constantly draws me back to His peace.

Oh, how I want to live life in simple grace. To listen intently to the heartbeat of God and respond with love and a twinkling nod. I want my love for Him to always be uncluttered."

What a beautiful truth, and she spoke it just as I feel it. I need balance. I once was so organized and structured, but disregarded those around me and placed emphasis on things that are not as important in life. Now I am all over the place, care about people enough to do something about it, and take time to do things that I would not have done before. If I was just a little more organized and motivated with school I could get so much more accomplished.

This is my prayer as the semester comes to a close...