These are just a few of the questions (and you can imagine the looks) I have received, since starting my journey towards pursuing foster/adoption back in December 2013. I am a single 25 year old, who lives an abundantly blessed life, that some days seems selfish. I started to wrestle with an unsettled feeling that left me pondering if I was doing all I could for His kingdom. I currently am called to be an occupational therapist, lead a Bible study of women peers, serve with youth at church, and teach 5 year olds in Sunday school--this was my ministry, so why did I feel like the Lord was pushing me to delve deeper? As I prayed and really dug into Scripture, I struggled to fully see myself "laying my life down" on a daily basis. I was in a comfortable place in many ways, but the Lord would not quiet the stirring within me to take another step of faith--little did I know what I would end up learning about myself.
Over the past several months the Lord has continuously provided small nudges towards fostering--I initially resisted--until one Sunday I was fully struck by the power of the Holy Spirit, and just began to sob with an uncontrollable and heavy heart for foster children. I continued to ask Him for open doors, and guess what, He provided them.
At around the same time of my battle with my flesh, my eyes were led to rest on this scripture. James 1:27 says, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” The story of the Bible is one of sacrifice and redemption, and as Christians we are to proclaim that story in every facet of our lives.
I was are keenly aware that this was going to be difficult (to say the least). However, I rested in the fact that 2 Timothy 3:16-17 promises us, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” I am simply to be obedient to Christ, and expect Him to do the work of equipping me and walking with me every step of the way.
3 weeks ago I started the foster course through the Cabinet of Kentucky, and my beautiful and godly mother has joined and supported me every step of the way.
Along this same time, I began looking into buying a home, so that I would have a place to take in my foster kids one day. I was not pre-approved to buy a home, and other doors began to slowly close around me, along with overwhelming feelings of discontentment and insecurity in various facets of life. I struggled to resist the frustration with these closed-doors. Why would God bring me this far and not provide? Little did I know what He was doing behind the scenes (of course He was...)....
2 weeks ago I was dwelling in His presence and seeking His direction of my life. I clearly heard Him speak to my heart, "Bethany, how do you think you can take in children, in this current lifestyle you live, but you have not relinquished to me your full heart, your heart that I want to make ready for a spouse one day." For lack of a better word, I was shocked. I had always thought that I had given the Lord my whole heart, but what I have recently come to learn, is that I was holding onto the part of my heart He wants to prepare for my future husband. This terrifies me. More than fostering children and then having them taken away, this scares me more.
I had held on to this inner pride idol of independence and self-sufficiency, and was in the meantime depriving the Lord of heaping blessings upon me in this area of my life. The more I sought His will on this, the more I began to peel back layers of myself and gained further clarity that He was ready to prepare me for meeting my future husband. As I counseled with godly women of wisdom, I discovered that they had similar concerns for me during this time, and knew the Lord would reveal these things to me in His time. As you can see, I am still in this journey. My mom and I are continuing to attend the foster course, and plan on finishing it. However, I know that right now the Lord is strengthening me, peeling back more layers of my heart, and drawing me closer to Him to prepare me for the man I will serve alongside one day. I know that I am called to fostering and/or adoption one day, but I am also fully aware that He will more readily reveal to me the timing of these as I rest in His presence and develop patience.
Today I cling to Psalm 46:5 where it says, "God is within her, she will not fall." We have this promise for all of eternity. This makes me smile, this makes my heart swell, and this calms any doubts/fears I may have at the present. He is forever faithful. I am looking forward in anticipation to the rest of this journey.
I love you dear readers, and pray that He is constantly expanding your territories and overflowing your cup,
B
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